surreal silence

Friday, August 27, 2010

"Positive Vibes"

I included the lyrics from the whole song, but I feel that if everyone could just read Johnny Richters verse (bold) the world would be a lot more peaceful.

Kotton Mouth Kings
"Positive Vibes"

We need some positive vibes for these rainy days
Let the sun come out keep push these clouds away
We need some positive vibes life’s for fun so go and play
Let the sunlight in, brighten up your day
Let the vibes blow like the ocean breeze
Mamma always told me there’d be days like these
Keep your head right, just do as you please
Never interfere with an evil man’s schemes
Keep your heart pure, conceive your own dreams
Respect your fellow man, the earth with the trees
The air that we breathe and the highest mountain peak
Bring truth from your soul to your mouth when you speak

No need to get loud .. messin with others, stressin’ your brother, it’s time to uncover
Time to choose another path you see
Cause the road most traveled’s negativity
Put your fist down (fist down), throw your hands in the air
Respect yourself, be somebody who cares
Don’t let life get you down, don’t feel abused
Keep a positive view unto yourself be true


Everyday’s a new adventure You got to keep what you got
Livin’ life in a studio bustin’ rhymes in my socks
I got to keep my head up and always do what I feel
Avoidin all the evil and just keeping it real
(I need some positive vibes)
All these situations I keep hearin’ about
People dyin’ in planes and buildings crumbling down
This world goes round for no apparent reason
People robbin and theavin’ just to feel good for the evening
(I need some positive vibes)
What happen' to everybody’s peace and love
Throw your drinks the sky, raise your hands up above
Get yo head out of the gutter and be respectful
We need some positive vibes for these rainy days so let it go
Don’t never get it twisted when I’m on this track
D-Loc the kind kid that be kickin’ it back
Of the class everyday I was high
Goin to school in 95 easy that how we ride


It’s time to leave this rat race chant down Babylon
Keep my head straight, keep my family movin' on
Find my own place, create my own space
Detach my whole scene from this wicked rat race
The two-faced friends, the snakes in the grass
Daddy always told me there’d be men like that
So watch your own back keep your eye on your stacks
Don’t ever write a check that that ass can’t cash


We need some positive vibes
(Keep on reaching for it)
For these rainy days
(Keep on hoping for it)
Let the sun come out keep push these clouds away
(What we need is, all we have is positive vibes)
We need some positive vibes
(What more can we say to you)
Lies that so forth go out and play
(What more can be said to you)
Let the Sunlight in, brighten up your day
(What we need is, all we have is positive vibes)

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

African Dream

This morning I woke up at a few minutes before 6 AM to a very disturbing dream. I dreamt that I was an older man living in an African country. I had a family, with children, namely a small and beautiful daughter who was about 11-13 years of age. I am not sure what happened before or after, but suddenly I was in a building that very much resembled a run down chapel with my daughter, another man, much older than I, and his entourage made up of family members and peers. Nothing was said in this dream, but I knew the situation I was in. My purpose of being in this chapel was to give my daughter away in marriage to this man many years her senior. Her eyes were a fierce red from crying and her face looked worn out from crying for many nights. The tears in her eyes screamed at me to stop this marriage from occuring, but I was tied. I had entered into an agreement with her future husband and it was the custom and tradition of this region. I was obligated to consent of this marriage but my heart was tattooed with the image of my distraught daughters face.
I woke up with the image of this beautiful, young girls face burned into the back of my eyes. I haven't seen such anguish in my life and even now as I write this, several hours later, my heart still feels the pain that I saw in her eyes. The worst part of this dream is: THIS IS HAPPENING. This situation is all too real in in the world. People being forced to do things against their will based on traditions or the evil wills of evil men. It breaks my heart.

"there is a such thing as a cultural difference and there is also such a thing as right and wrong and sometimes its hard to find the truth in between those two." - Chad Urmston

I feel compelled to ask myself; Who am I in all of this? I mean at this moment many of my brothers and sisters are being forced to be in situations that eliminate their ability to choose throughout this world. And I am just sitting here, typing small words into this blog. What can I do? I am just a small voice compared to the screams and cries of those in distress or in abuse situations. I wish I could be more. This is the reason why I support organizations like Calling all Crows and The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints. Increasing awareness and sharing love and truths with others is the only way to heal wounds caused by society and to right the wrongs done by those exercising unrighteous dominion of others. I feel like I have the choice to support such organizations and serve others or to live my life as though nothing is happening. When all is said and done it is my conscience and my God that I have to report to. What will I tell them?

Thursday, June 3, 2010


What constitutes the filament of a soul?

What outshines the breath in ones chest?

The synapses of a continuous intelligence?

Forgotten with birth, remembered with time,

Remembered with light, thoroughly brightened,

Darkness and dirt stains to be whitened.

If there is no tragedy in death, is life deemed tragic; if unlived?

Truths need Heroes,

Morality requires Knights,

Prophecies need Fulfillment,

Life requires Light.

No flicker of candle

nor ray of bulb fulfills,

but what radiates from a soul enlightened by Christ,

An inner flame tempered by right,

can endure the night,

and reforge this life.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

growth exercise

The purpose of this exercise is to learn who we truly are. It is to question what we are doing versus what we wish to be doing. It is merging our future self with our current self and becoming more. It is to become our own self fulfilling prophecy of good.

Step one: know what you want to be

this may take some soul searching, something I recommend for everyone. take some time to search through your past experiences and desires and find what you truly want to become. (for example: Think of the kind of person you wish you be, the relationship you wish to have with God, the kind of job you wish to have, the kinds of activities you wish to be doing, etc...)

Step two: write it down

an ideal is just an ideal, and an Idealist is just an idealist, if you wish to fulfill your own prophecy and become your best self, write down what you wish to become.

Step three: make realistic goals of how to reach your desires

dreams will always be dreams unless we make a plan to fulfill them, whether it be schooling, a workout regimen, a scripture study schedule, or whatever. write down what you want to become and next to that, write down what you need to do to fulfill that dream.

Step four: pray

important: do not skip this part, it is the key for this growth exercise, it brings hope that cannot be found otherwise.

Address your Creator, tell Him the desires of your Heart and what you wish to become. Tell Him of your list and what goals need to be accomplished, Ask Him for help. He will help you. Have faith that He will.

Step five: Act

move forward, take a personal inventory of what you can do now, and do it. don't let past fears cripple you, take the first step now. I used to believe the first step was the hardest (which may be true) but it is not the most important, the second, third, and every step up until and past your goal are just as important, keep moving forward. A positive mindset will get you far, but continual action will get you the farthest.


below is a story I found as I was scrolling through some old journal entries, I found it relevant.

Underneath everything, there is a Man who is trying to find his God. He only gets sidetracked by everything he sees and hears. He forgets. He tries to fill the hole within his heart with things that are not filling. with things that seem appealing to the touch. Sometimes in order to accomplish anything within this life we need to fight our way upstream as opposed to floating down the river. When at one time we stood strong against the current, we started to slip, and we actually enjoyed the change of pace. We actually liked seeing our morals slipping away because it was different, It was not what they wanted to see, and though its not expressed orally, doing anything in an act of rebellion shows how strong we are...or how stubborn or needful of attention we are...after awhile I came to the realization that I need to grasp a hold of something. So as i start my path to not only stand still but to move against the river to my destination. I must find a place to plant my feet. I stumble and slip as i start. There are rocks. There is Water. Moss. Algae. Mud. But I fight relentlessly, I scrape at the dirt, I dig my fingernails fruitlessly into rocks, I kick my feet and stub and break my toes. Bleeding I feel something solid beneath my right foot. I'm hoping God has given me a rock. I lean forward against the current, and let it push me again, But this time not down river away from my goal. I allow the water to push me against my foothold to see whether or not it is something that I want to plant my feet against. I can see my blood in the water and I ask myself is this really something that I want to pursue, do i really want to fight against the current? The rock which I stand on doesn't move as it hears my question, and wants me to realize that I can rely on the strength of the rock, but I must rely on myself first. If it is my decision to stand and to fight this river I can use this rock as an instrument to do so, If only I decide. I decide and with one foot set on its hold i step forward with my other, I fear that my rock may lose its hold and will tumble down with the current which seems to be gaining momentum. As I think this the rock decides to test me. It shifts in its location and In doing so I lose its hold. I am about to be swept downstream, if i only allowed myself to do so. I fight to find a hold again with my feet and flail my arms in an effort to gain my balance. As I do so my hand touches something, which I have never noticed before, It felt sturdy so I jumped to grasp a hold of it, but in the place in which the new hold was found I couldn't touch the ground, I was a bit fearful to grab a hold at first, but i made the effort anyways (a bit desperate maybe, but I feel desperate for an appeal to my loneliness). I wasn't going to let go. This rod seemed to be made of something very strong and almost golden to the eye. I didn't let go. As I held on I noticed that this rod led parallel to the river I was in. It only led a few feet further down from where I was yet It stretched as far up the river as my eyes would allow me to see. It took all the strength I had to pull myself just an arms length against the current, but I did so anyways. I feel that God had given me a rock to stand upon, only long enough for me to realize that there was a Rod of iron right next to me the entire time. I will keep pulling myself along this iron rod, Hoping and believing that God will continue to help me as i struggle against the ever growing current of this river.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

de espĂ­ritu independiente

We are faced with situations everyday in which we can decide to:
1)sit by and watch it happen
2)be active and do something about it.

I have a friend that I hold in very high esteem. He is not very much older than I am but he holds a quality that very few have. When I first met him he was assigned to be the teacher of a class I was attending. He held himself with confidence, yet in a way that did not come across as either arrogant or crowdpleasing. I could tell by looking at him that he had his mind set on an ideal, as opposed to ideas. He was eager to hear new thoughts and did not fear sharing his own. I learned a lot from him and I still am, but one lesson he taught has stuck with me since I heard it. He quoted his father, (something he did quite often and something I would look forward to) and since I can't remember all he said I will only share what I remember and its this.

"Most people in this world are sleeping."

Taken out of context this quote may seem very simple but we were speaking about awareness and spiritual activism. In this world there is so much going on and if we dont open our eyes and see the world, for what it trully is, we will not have the power or desire to act. I have seen that there are two different kinds of people. Those who sleep and those who do. Those who are acted upon and those who act.

I believe fully that most people in this world are sleeping. That we have been crafted and molded by either; the media, family, or friends, to be spectators in our own lives. We sit back and view situations with as little brain activity as if we were watching it on the tv, and it needs to stop. We need to stop being bystanders. We need to get away from the walls, tv's and computers and join (or create) whatever cause for good that we can. We need to be firm in our minds and not sway to the easy or flattering ideas we are tempted with. The legacy of a people is not formed after they have passed, it is created in the lives they live, as they live them.
let us wake up, let us be aware, let us do something about it.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010


Hope tends to be the only thing that gets me by some days. I was prompted to read a scripture a few days ago that I really needed to hear.
18 And it came to pass that when they had gathered themselves together that he spake unto them in this wise, saying: O ye, my people, lift up your heads and be comforted; for behold, the time is at hand, or is not far distant, when we shall no longer be in subjection to our enemies, notwithstanding our many strugglings, which have been in vain; yet I trust there remaineth an effectual struggle to be made.

We WILL be free, but we WILL need to fight to get there.

In this part of the Book of Mormon, a small group of men, led by Ammon, search for a much larger group of their brethren who are lost. After much time and searching they find their missing brethren (a people kinged by Limhi), but they find them in bondage to a much stronger and taxxing enemy. Limhi's people have fought and failed, they have struggled and it has been in vain. They have nearly lost hope of being freed, but when Ammon and his crew showed up, Limhi took courage. He gathered his people together and told them of the hope he had to be freed, yet it would not be easy. After prayer and much planning they were able to be freed and to gain freedom from their oppressors. They were welcomed with open hands by the people that sent Ammon's men to find Limhi and his people. Hope recieved its reward.

We may not be in bondage to our enemies but many of us still fight and fail, we have struggled in vain. The only thing that will free us is hope and action. William Wallace led an uprising in Scotland against oppression from an enemy, he tried to instill hope and action in all the men that fought beside and around him. In the climax of the movie Braveheart (a historical/fiction movie based on William Wallace's life), William is captured and then tortured. He was given the choice to ask for mercy, at which point they would stop torturing him and behead him, ending the pain. He suffers despite of the pleading of friends and others begging him to cry for mercy. Knowing that he could not take much more, He gathered his remaining strength and screamed for what he wanted for his people more than anything else. The word that held all of his hope and the reason for all of his actions. and that word was not mercy.

Royal Magistrate: It can all end, right now. Peace. Bliss. Just say it. Cry out mercy.
Crowd: Mercy...mercy!
Royal Magistrate: Cry out. Just say it. Mercy.
Hamish: Mercy lad, mercy.
Stephen: Jesus, mercy.
Royal Magistrate: The prisoner wishes to say a word.

Sometimes our Hope is only fulfilled after the pain, but (if it is right) it is fulfilled.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010


"I DONT SHINE IF YOU DONT SHINE" kt and I scream singing in the saturn before I left for chicago in 2007
I love that little girl more than anything! I feel terrible thinking of some of the things I have done/said to her when we were younger, but I am so glad that she has always been near me regardless. I find it crazy as to how many different points/stages our relationship has gone through, and everything we have done.
quick superawesome things we have done/gone through together:
3 houses/two states,
Fishing for shells in a dirty pond,
dirt field forts,
green field frogs,
fence jumping,
mini baseball bats and stitches,
concussions ruining birthday parties,
annoying the parents every chance we get,
constantly changing our minds/majors,
the saturn,
road trips,
KT's wedding in Serbia...
and many moreto come

I am afraid that this relationship will change. out of all of my realtionships this is the one that I value the most, I am going through some major changes in my life and relationships with others. I will soon be Engaged and Married to Brittany. I know that things will change, our priorities will change. Life will try us and we may need to move from eachother. but nothing will ever change the fact that she is my little sister and she means the world to me. I have always tried to put how I feel for her in words but I can't. she means too much. the only thing that has come close is in a lyric sung by the killers. I feel as though KT and I are tied together by something stronger than anything else in this universe. I believe that I cannot reach my fullest potential if she is not reaching hers. I can only shine if she shines. Kirk out.